Lessons from our marriage

Wow! Good to be back after a four week hiatus. Missed interacting with my audience via this medium. Wow! We are in the tenth month and all too soon, we will be drawing a closed curtain to the year

Last week was a great one because my wife and I celebrated another milestone in our union. We are grateful to God, our mentors and friends who have all impacted us in diverse ways. Thinking about our marriage made me want to pen certain truths we have all learned along the way. I am not a marriage counselor nor have I been in this journey longer, but been in it long to understand at least the dynamics of a marriage relationship

Lesson 1: it takes teamwork

A marriage will work when the spouses involved become a team. Doing things solo in a relationship sometimes widen the gap between the two. A successful marriage understands that to get the best out of each other, there has to be a synergy of one’s strengths and weaknesses, upsides and downsides for the journey ahead. You can cover each other’s weaknesses and complement each other’s strengths when that synergy takes place. A marriage where the fault of one partner is glaringly loud to the outside world communicates wrong signals… there is no cohesiveness.

Lesson 2: solve issues in the immediacy

Every marriage has fights and conflicts. You may be courting or newly married reading this so it will be hard to fathom that! Believe you me- that day will come. One advice I give to people marrying or newly married couples is you shouldn’t be afraid of having quarrels or disagreements- that is inevitable. Rather, be more concerned about the unresolved issue that brought the fight in the first place. As a pastor, one of the “not-so-cool” things to be involved in is the implosion of a marriage. Nine times out of ten, it reaches there because of an issue that wasn’t resolved and has gained deeper roots which can be the source of resentment and anger. One skill every couple should have is effective conflict resolution skills. It starts by being honest with each other. Let your spouse know “this hurts me and I am not happy”. Honesty is the base on which conflict resolution takes place. Also, try not to be too cutting and direct with your speech when solving issues- it does more harm than good! Speak the truth in love. Truth is a sharp sword so sometimes coat the edges with love so that it is easily assimilable.

Lesson 3: still be friends

When you marry, that should not be the end of the courtship process. It should continue. Love on her like when you were chasing her, be excited at him like when he was wooing you. Too many marriages die a slow painful death because of familiarity and taking each other for granted. You have to be intentional not to let that happen. Have scheduled times where you can sit and chat, take annual leave together and do the same things that you were doing when courting. Women especially complain about the “settled” attitude of husbands when they have “succeeded” in marrying the woman they wanted. I am not saying women are not capable of that but in most cases, the culprits are the men. How do friendships last? By investing time. In that same vein, invest time in your marriage and make your partner feel appreciated. It takes a lot of time to still stay friends in a marriage

Let us continue next week because I am getting long winded and it is showing in the size of the blog. I will wrap it up with two more points next week

Will love to read your comments, answer questions and know what you think

Till I come your way again…

Peace & Love

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