Lessons from our marriage II

Glad to be back again and sorry for unable to pen down last week. I started my week with power outage then once the hurdle was over, internet connection problems… but finally, here we are! Ha!

The last time we left on lessons from our marriage and touched on teamwork, solving issues urgently and the element of friendship in a marriage. I want to talk on five lessons so we will wrap up with the remaining two

Lesson 4: spending time together is not communication necessarily

Communication in a marriage can never be understated. Communication means both spouses speak the same language, understand each other and are on the same page. Chatting per se is not communication. The first two years of our marriage, I really understood that concept. Say, you have gone to a restaurant and ordered with the waiter that you want a plate of rice with no salt, corn with butter & steak with pepper and onions. Your meal comes in thirty minutes: salted plate of rice, corn without butter and steak with pepper but no onions. You can say there is no communication between you and the waiter because he didn’t understand you and you both were not on the same page concerning your menu. With marriage, it is patient work getting to know each other, reading each other’s moods, that is, when is a good time to talk and also getting the attention of each other and understanding what was said. So when we communicate, we make it a point to repeat what was said to each other to check whether we both are on the same page. Knowing your partner’s love language and personality aids in better communication. You can enjoy, laugh together, have fun together but not on the same frequency when it comes to certain quarters of your marriage. That is the mystery of marriage: communication is hard work which will demand time

Lesson 5: money matters because money matters

According to an article I read, 21% of divorcees cite money as the cause of their marriage breakdown. It takes faith to plan and have a wedding but once that event is over, and you are now in the institute of marriage, faith will not be enough; money talks and counts. That means there should be a regular stream of income to keep it moving. Money is a topic that should be treated intentionally and consistently. Not talking about it doesn’t mean problems will suddenly disappear. We have on our calendar a particular day of every month set on our phone reminders to have a Money Date. This implies we talk about money at least twelve times in a year. This idea is from David Bach, author of the popular and best selling book, The Automatic Millionaire. When you go online, money date questionnaires and templates are available that you can sort of use as a guide in your discussions. Our date is not wine and dine but extensive talks which means we cover all our bases, set some targets and deadlines ( if it needs be) till the following month we meet. If you don’t set the time and the place to talk on and about money, you will fight about it. To earn money comes from working; to be rich requires financial literacy. Knowledge is the key! Please get information on what to do with your hard earned money. The internet is a great resource tool. I use it a lot when it comes to this area. I don’t know about your area, but in mine, they do free financial seminars for the community so if you have the Eventbrite app, it is one of the best ways to search for such information in your location and do attend for insight if you have the time

For those about to enter into marriage, wish you the best and arm yourself with these keys of knowledge, and to those of us in a marriage, keep keeping on and upgrade your knowledge base to keep the union fresh and from stagnation

I hope you have enjoyed my take on what I have learnt as a married man. I will like to hear from you and know what you learnt and also share with us any experiences or lessons you have which can benefit us all

Till I come your way again…

Peace & Love